Speaking of “man made global warming,” the homely women on the recent public service announcements with a concerned parent discussing “climate change” with a fake scientist don’t know the half of it!

It’s very likely about to get hot, Folks . . . REAL FREAKIN’ MELT YOUR EYES IN THEIR SOCKETS AND THE SKIN OFF YOUR BONES HOT, HOT, HOT!

How do I know?

The B-I-B-L-E tells me so!

“WHAAAAAAT?” you say, ”Happy Narcissist! Are YOU outta your mind?”

“A little late to the party there, aren’t ya, Pal?” I happily retort.

“YOU’re NOT some freakin’ Bible-thumper, ARE YOU, Happy Narcissist?” you ask like you haven’t even been reading this blog but only looking at the YouTube videos of Carl’s Jr. commercials featuring a young and voluptuous Kate Verlander (nee Upton), which, by the way, I’ll end this post with too, because what did I say the last time, Class?

That’s right. SEX SELLS! But just try to stay with me for now, please, ’til we reach that climax. Yes, I did say ‘climax’ in the same paragraph in which I just said, ‘SEX SELLS,’ but hey you try and hold the attention of so-called millennials, and see what you gotta do to do it.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, “HOT! HOT! HOT!” and the Holy Bible.

Google if you will, “25 Bible Verses About Nuclear War,” but I know you won’t, so here let me spoon feed you mindless bunch of sex-crazed foo . . . um . . . er . . . I mean, “Friends.”

But first, I know I’m losing you, so here’s a little pick me up ’til I can finish making my point and conclude this post with Kate Verlander . . .

By the way, whenever I sing “California Girls” I always change the lyric to “Arizona Girls” to pay homage to my own beautiful bride of now forty two years because I’m such a hopeless romantic and because I know which side of the toast I should butter up!

Anyway, since I know that you don’t ever read your B-I-B-L-E just like I never used to when I was once obsessed with sex, drugs, and rock & roll in my long-lost and thoroughly misspent youth, here are two fun verses you could find there if you ever do dust off the good ol’ GOOD BOOK. The first one is from the so-called “Old Testament,” written 500 years ago before the birth of my possibly imaginary Friend and way the hell before the invention of nuclear weapons less than a hundred years ago.

“And this shall be the plague wherewith the LORD will smite all the people that have fought against Jerusalem; Their flesh shall consume away while they stand upon their feet, and their eyes shall consume away in their holes, and their tongue shall consume away in their mouth.” -Zechariah 14:12 (KJV)

“HOLY SHIT!” you say! “THAT could be tomorrow’s headline!”

THAAAAAT’s right, it could.

Are you interested now?

Is there currently someone dumber than Peter Sellers in the White House now and an antichrist in the Kremlin to go along with our own “President Muffley?”

We’re closer today to a nuclear holocaust doomsday than we were in ’62 during the Cuban Missile Crisis with Kennedy and Khrushchev, are we not?

Look, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist . . . oh, wait . . . yes it does, but we and the Rooskies already got all of those that we needed from the Nazis after the last World War. So . . . we’re both good there.

And now that the Communist Chinese, and the North Koreans, and India, and Pakistan, and Israel, and probably soon too Iran all got their own . . . and probably better than ours . . . nuclear warhead topped ICBMs, I’ll give you three guesses how this all plays out.

HEY! COME BACK here! You CAN’T HIDE under your bed any more than elementary school kids in the 1950s could “Duck & Cover” under their desks at school when they saw the flash of a nuclear explosion outside their class room window!

“C’mon, Happy!” you say, “Didn’t President Obama eviscerate that milquetoast Mitt Romney with his snarky one liner in the 2012 U.S. Presidential Debate?”

Yeah . . . yeah he did.

But still . . . LOOK what’s back!

Funny how everything OLD becomes NEW AGAIN, huh?

A very wise guy once said, “There’s nothing new under the sun.”

“WHO said that?” you ask. “WHERE’s that written?”

Fuggedaboutit. You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

But try this one on for size. This some think ”prophetic” passage is found in the so-called “New Testament” and was written by one of my possibly imaginary Friend’s best friends about two thousand years ago . . . also way the hell before the invention of nuclear weapons during the Second World War.

“But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness, looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.” – 2 Peter 3:10-13 (KJV)

But you know what?

Nobody believes that stuff anymore, do they?

Go back to sleep, Folks. The Happy Narcissist probably is just the “idiot” that he claims to be, right?

“WAIT! WHAT? BOB DYLAN? WTF, HAPPY! And the “Born Again Bob” at that! You promised us luscious Kate!”

OK. OK. Here. Enjoy your overcooked burger.