They went in through my wrist (PTL!) for my angiogram this morning, and my arteries are so clear the cardiologist said, “You could drive a truck through them, BUT you are too damned FAT, so lose 50 pounds asap! Doctor’s ORDERS. And no driving or even typing for 48 hours because if you open that incision, you’ll bleed out like a stuck pig and die like a miserable dog wherever you are when you do it.”

Sadly though, no less than four young women had to see me naked. I really wished I was fifty pounds lighter THEN! Say a prayer for them too while you’re at it, will ya?

A somewhat sympathetic pal texted me his condolences of sorts when he wrote:

“Thank (your possibly imaginary friend)! You know what they say, “You can never be too thin or rich” (unless you’re Kim Il-sung).”

I texted back:

“I spell my possibly imaginary Friend’s Name with a capital “F,” and let’s leave Him outta this. He gave me an amazing physique and a birthday suit I’d have been PROUD to have shown those four nurses! I’m the one that made my body look like Kim Il Sung’s. 🥴”

Just in case my employer reads this who I told that I can’t go back to work for at least 48 hours until my incision heals because the typing can be dangerous, I want her and everyone else to know that I wrote this blog post without too much risk of death by pecking out one letter at a time with just my thumb on my so-called smart phone like I used to do before I created “The Happy Narcissist!”😎