Missing my hat is how my angiogram started out yesterday morning for me when Karen took this photo of her still “handsome man” to send out to family & friends requesting prayer for my safe return.

Missing any article of clothing was where this day was heading for me before I eventually did return home safe with only a little pride left in my body and that only about my miraculously clear arteries!

Because before yesterday was in the bag, not one, but four young women got to see me naked, and it wasn’t good for any of our psyches, I’m sure, least of all mine.

Although the modern preferred method of performing an angiogram is to insert a thin capillary through the artery in your wrist in order to squirt dye inside the arteries of your heart that shows up on a magnetic camera’s viewing screen what the inside of the arteries look like, the original method was to use your femoral artery shown here.

So the nurses . . . usually young women (but not always) like they were in my case . . . prep both areas, wrist and groin.

By “prep,” I mean that the nurses shave the area around the possible incision site of all human hair until you look there and THERE like the day you were born.

Both the prep team of two nurses AND the surgical team of two nurses ensure that both possible incision sites are “smooth as a baby’s behind!”

“Oh someone JUST SHOOT ME, please,” I prayed, “Or KNOCK ME OUT . . . or SOMETHING!”

Nope!

You get to experience this entire excruciatingly-humiliating ordeal NOT ONCE BUT TWICE before they give you any drugs!

I felt like a slab of meat both times, and I only comforted myself with this thought, “They’ve PROBABLY SEEN WORSE . . .

or FUNNIER things!”

For the record, this post was typed out one letter at a time with very little risk of harm to my still-healing right wrist albeit huge harm to my fragile male ego with just my now-arthritic right thumb depicted above on my so-called smart phone at about two in the morning because my muse wouldn’t let me go back to sleep until after I had posted this story on my blog with the above-attached and appropriate song.

And finally for the true blue Happy Narcissist fans, here’s an in-depth analysis of the origins and offsprings of Right Said Fred’s not exactly “one hit wonder,” “I’m Too Sexy,” from a YouTubeologist named “Todd In The Shadows.”

Enjoy!