Them’s “My Boys!”

Pretty badass, huh! They really arm my guns! (And, yes, I fully intended that pun.)

I got them as a Christmas gift last year from our multi-tattooed daughter Julia, but I wish I’d have gotten them much sooner in my life of now 65 years.

I wish that I’d have gotten them at birth!

“My Boys” have given me so much self confidence, just knowing that they are there under my t-shirt and work dress shirt.

Even unseen, they send out an aura that says, “I’m a badass. DON’T MESS WITH ME!”

Our daughter, as I said, has many, many tattoos, and she told me the other day that she wants to get another one for Christmas this year. Hint. Hint.

Hmmm . . . I wonder what Santa Claus is going to bring Julia for Christmas?

I think she wants to become “Julia, The Queen of the Tattooed Ladies!”

Hit it, Groucho!

“Julia, oh Jul-ia, en-cy-clo-school-ia, Queen of the Tattooed Ladies!”

Every year for the past decade, Julia would give me a Happy Birthday card or a Father’s Day card or a Christmas card with the offer to get me tattooed after some stray remark that I had made about maybe getting one . . . one day . . . when we were watching a documentary about the late, great Warren Zevon who was dying from cancer, and his friend Dave Barry recommended that Zevon get a tattoo, because “most people get one and regret it for the rest of their lives . . . but in your case . . . ”

This past November, Julia told me, “Dad, it really hurts my feelings that you have never gotten the tattoos that I offered to get you for your birthday . . . or Father’s Day . . . or Christmas . . . and you KEEP putting that off.” Well, what’s any good father gonna do after his daughter tells him something like that? So this past Christmas, I let Julia take me to her tattoo artist. My only regret, to answer Dave Barry, is that I never had my badass tattoos for ALL of my life!

After I finally got inked, Julia also got me for Christmas a print of Warren Zevon from his final cover of The Rolling Stone that now hangs in my office at work.

The one down side with “My Boys” that can make them really, REALLY DANGEROUS is how they totally turn women on!

And considering that I am completely unavailable, it’s only right that I keep “My Boys” under wraps most of the time, and so I do.

I’ve come to realize that I must be very careful with these things on my arms because even a badass happy narcissist can empathize with the fragile feelings of others.