Walking into the movie auditorium I wondered to myself if this was a good idea or not.

Eyeing the already seated gang of old geezers in the front row of the so-called stadium seats loudly talking because they can’t hear one another if they didn’t and coarsely laughing like they didn’t give a damn if they disturbed their fellow movie-goers because they don’t.

I could remember a time in the now distant past when people treated a movie theatre like it was a church wherein people practiced a mutually agreed-upon silence and respect for the experience of others.

And I could remember a time in the recent past where the major concern was gangs of young people texting or scrolling through their cell phones which always emitted that blindingly bothersome light in a darkened movie theatre.

But yesterday’s young people have all realized that it’s NOT COOL to be a “movie jerk,” and they all stay off their phones now.

Sadly, the gangs of young tuffs have been replaced by gaggles of gabby geezers who go to movies in packs now and just dare you to try to stop them from pretending that they own the place, like the public area of a movie theatre isn’t just an extension of their own living room!

I went to the matinee alone today because I had the day off from work and my beautiful bride couldn’t go with me.

I had wanted to see the new Liam Neesom movie, “Marlowe,” a mature, sophisticated piece of film noir that surely would attract a more genteel and respectful crowd of movie buffs, I thought.

WRONG!

The gabby geezers kept talking louder and louder all through the previews of coming attractions, increasing their volumes to match any increase in the volume of the movie trailer that was showing.

I remembered how I’d almost got beat up in the men’s room just last week by some foul-mouthed geezers who I had had to stand up and shush before the movie “Titanic” set sail. Remember I told you about when all of our ancient bladders and enlarged prostates couldn’t make it through to the end of the 3-hour movie and we all went to use the john at the same time after the romantic parts, and right after the doomed ship hit the iceberg, but before the tragic heroism in the final scenes were shown. Here you can read that story again. https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/129913026/posts/4548092056

Today I remembered too how my sister Suzi Q had cautioned me NOT to put myself in harm’s way like that again and to just wait and see the next time if the talkers will shut up when the featured film actually starts playing.

Today was now that “next time,” and I tried, People . . . I REALLY TRIED!

BUT when these gabby geezers KEPT talking even as our movie today clearly WAS STARTING, I politely called out from my front and center seat without standing up and turning around to face the over-the-hill gang of gabbers like I did last time, “THE MOVIE IS STARRRRRTINNNNNNG.”

“OH JUST SHUT UP!” immediately called out the loudest of the uncouth geezers sitting with his unrepentant gang of gabbers in the front row of the so-called stadium-style seats.

“YOU SHUT THE ____ UP!” surprisingly answered back an elderly gentleman seated two rows behind me and beside his beloved in her wheelchair in the handicapped seats or whatever it’s politically correct to call those things these days.

“Praise THE LORD!” I thought to myself, “I WON’T get jumped in the john TODAY!”

AND MIRACLES OF MIRACLES!

The gang of miscreant gabby geezers SHUT THE ____ UP from that point on to the end of a fairly fine film.